I Hate Microsoft

[NeoMorph]

I swear that when I am about to land something jinxes me and screws up my computer. Tonight I had flown my P51 from one side of the UK to the other and was trying to land. The first attempt I had to do a go around as I was way too fast. The second one was coming in a bit wobbly but I was about 20 seconds from landing when... FLASHFLASHFLASH

"You need to restart your PC to complete the windows update"

I HAD FORGOTTEN TO TURN OFF AUTOMATIC WINDOWS UPDATE ON MY NEW PC!

I swear at that moment that I wanted to take an axe to that PC I was so annoyed. I tried to switch back to FSX but all I got was black boxes then after  a few minutes I got a dialog saying "Loading Scenery" but still went to black boxes.

I gave up at that point. Why the hell can't Microsoft make updates that check to see if the CPU is getting used a lot and wait until the user finishes their work or game or whatever before butting in like hooker at a wedding and ruining what you are doing.

So I went in right away and turned windows update to manual... Nothing like Microsoft to change a great moment to a crap one... 

[ETomlin]

I understand, trust me. However, would you also say that you hate your cat, or wife, or the telephone too? I ask this in jest, simply because only a simmer would know how often you are on short final and the wife calls (either in voice or on the phone), the cat jumps up in your lap, or some joker calls to sell you something you dont want to begin with. It's so very frustrating and ALWAYS is timed to at a really critical moment. However, when you get in here and talk about it (after it's over with), we can all share laughs. I will try to remember the "sharing laughs" part next time it happens to me. Grrr...

[shaneb]

Guys you just have to treat these interruptions as "in flight emergencies"   your on final . . . wife steps in commenting that you are always in the sim . . you realize  at this point you have an in flight emergency . . you grab your manual . . locate  "in flight emergency / wife interruption"  look at the correct procedure . . locate the appropriate switch to deal with emergency  . . in this case it is the  "wife extinguisher"   . .push the button . .wife goes away mad and you continue on to a perfect landing . . then  pat yourself on the back for the professional way you handled the unexpected emergency.     

now . . .

when you exit your aircraft be prepared for some bad bad weather . . cause it may be stormy . . it may be really cold . . you might have a hurricane on your hands!       

...   hope my wife does not see this post cause flights will be grounded at my house       

[jackpilot]

(Real good Shane  )

Another less techy approach to crisis management.

Have a paper pad hanging out of the Sim ROOM where you print the flights schedule.
Delays and late arrivals  noted in red
I have seen also some gizmo allowing a scrolling message to be displayed on your cars back license plate with a keyboard inside the car to program whatever insult you want to throw at that tailgater behind..... IDEAL to manage the flight schedule above in real time from the cockpit and avoid the "ire" of family members waiting for relatives in the lobby.

[shaneb]

of course Jack you realize I do not handle the inflight wife emergency in that manner only daydreaming!    and as for hanging a paper pad hanging outside with schedules . . . well I would be afraid of just where she might place that pad!   . . .      Did I mention my wife is a Funeral Director/ Embalmer . . I try to be on my best behavior . . I'm scared she may make me disappear!       

[NeoMorph]

LOL... At the time I was mad as hell as I had fought that P51 to the ground due to my poor piloting skills and what felt like 100mph winds from all over the place. I still don't know if it is a control issue, PC issue or pilot issue but I couldn't hold that plane in a straight line for love nor money.

I did find a fix for the black screen... Alt-Enter twice does it (although it drags my outside image from my plasma screen down to my LCD which is annoying. Is there any way to lock the views to the specific screen?).

Anyone remember "If Microsoft Built Cars?"

If Microsoft Built Cars

Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

Occasionally your car would just die on the highway for no reason. Accept this, restart and drive on.

Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause the car to stop and fail to restart. You'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car 95" or "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" light.

People would get excited about "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.

We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and auto fluids.

New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.

If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

Microsoft wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The engine would be a side-valve design so you could still use Model T Ford parts on it.

Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM and play Microsoft cassettes.

Microsoft would do well, because even though they don't own any roads, all road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars for free!

If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, you could borrow your friend's and copy it.

Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition a few days until it worked.

You would need an upgrade to run cars on a highway next to each other.

OK, next product...

If Microsoft Built Planes

Your plane would upgrade midflight and just as you are about to land you would get "You need to restart your flight to complete the upgrade".

"Plane Vista" and "Plane 7" would only let certain passengers onboard. If the plane didn't recognise you it would stop you getting onboard.

"Plane 7" will only let pilots who have registered with Microsoft and have the OK from Steve Balmer.

When you fly on any Microsoft Plane that has windows you are 95% more likely to catch Swine Flu.

If you do catch Swine Flu you must take tablets... but not ones from Apple...

Military Planes running Microsoft Windows Plane will have an ultra-safe ejector system. Once pulled the system will say "Are you sure?" You then hit E and then the system says "Are you really sure?"

Due to legislation, Microsoft Windows Plane will give you a choice of which browser to use. Unfortunately if you choose any but Microsoft it crashes the plane.

After several complaints from passengers saying that they spend too much time circling the airport (even after being given clearance to land), Facebook and Twitter will be blocked from the Pilot and Co-Pilot's EICAS displays. Also any aircrew using their displays to play Call of Duty will be fired.

It is not true that this one aircraft running Windows Plane was delayed for 3 hours on the runway when the system told the pilot to "Press Any Key" and he had the waitresses and First Officer searching the plane because nobody could find the key marked "Any".

After a crash the Air Accident Inquiry asked the pilot why he didn't lower the undercarriage on landing. He replied "It turns out that the 'Lower Undercarriage' software was only available if you use the Windows Plane Anytime Upgrade". When the pilot was asked why he didn't upgrade he said "Unfortunately my First Officer was downloading the movie "Turbulence" over Torrent at the time.

Whenever the ATIS reports that the air pressure has change you must reboot Windows Plane because the software to enter the right figure hasn't been fixed due to Microsoft sacking the entire team who developed Windows Plane.

Windows Plane will only work in the Northern Hemisphere. If you cross the equator on autopilot remember to bring the anti-emetics as the plane turns upside down. Unfortunately as Microsoft are too cheap to include seat belts on their planes (Microsoft: "We don't need seatbelts on our planes as they are totally safe") the passengers and aircrew will be deposited on the ceiling (or is that the floor) of the aircraft making it impossible to fly.

Apple planes look awesome but cost 10x as much as Microsoft planes. Unfortunately Apple planes lose altitude fast if you touch the walls while in flight. Apple have said that the iPlanes that crash like that are by design.

A 737NNNNG (Next, Next, Next, Next, Gen) running Windows Plane was spotted at an airport recently (see below). When asked about this plane Microsoft said "We are now running our engines in SLI mode to increase performance".

OK yes... I admit it... I am insane!